Anne Hogan

I have all these great ideas and big projects I want to do, but I find myself lacking the time to implement all of them. Okay, fine, any of them. But I finally figured out the solution to my problems! I just need one of the following things.

Teleportation

I’m not sure what normal people fantasize about, but I frequently find myself day dreaming about being able to teleport. It would free up a lot of my time – especially considering Southern California traffic. Plus, it would let me sleep in, and I do so love to sleep in. Oh yeah, and I could visit my mother more. That would be nice because she cooks my favorite foods and washes my delicates. And because she’s a super awesome lady. (Fun sidenote, I still can’t do delicates. I save them up and bring them to my mother when I visit. I’m a delightful house-guest.)

Housekeeper

And by housekeeper, I mean a live in housekeeper. Someone to make sure the dishes are done, the cabinets are stocked, the laundry is finished and folded, Teddy is bathed, dry cleaning is picked up, and on and on and on. All that boring day to day nonsense that seems to eat up entirely too much of my time.

27 Hours Per Day

How great would it be if there were 27 hours in a day? Think of the possibilities! I could get caught up on housework, write more, exercise, maybe even blow dry my hair! I don’t think it’s asking for too much. I don’t need ten more hours, or six more, just three. Just three measly hours. It really would make all the difference.

Naturally, I won’t be getting any of these things any time soon. And yet, I’m writing about them instead of actually doing any of the things I claim I don’t have time for. Gee, why am I always so pressed for time? Also, this is what my kitchen sink looks like right now. Sorry, Mom.

So what about you? Which of those three things would you want? Or something else entirely? Or are you capable of managing your time appropriately like some kind of functional adult?

First of all, you should know that I love my own self so so much and I think I am hilarious. Seriously, I amuse myself to no end. So, remember yesterday when I told you that I was going to shave Teddy? I would like to present to you… Teddy’s new haircut…

He’s a lion! How freaking cute is that?!

I still need to do some cleaning up – trim his feet, even out around his neck, do some touch ups around his legs, etc. But Teddy is so. over. me. Not only did I chop all his hair off then shave him, but when all of that was over I gave him a bath. I know. I’m pretty much the worst. I’ll never know how he lives with me.

I need to trim his nails, but I think I’ll give him a few days off before I traumatize him again. See? I’m not all bad!

So that’s pretty much all the news around here. I mean, what else was I supposed to do to entertain myself now that all of my shows are in reruns?

Oh! But speaking of lions, I had lunch with sea lions the other day.

Random? Yes. Welcome to my world. (This was at the Pacific Marine Mammal Center in Laguna Beach.)

Here’s the thing about holiday weekends, when they’re going on you’re all “yaaaayyyy!!! Three day weekend!!!!!” Then when they’re over and you go back to work you’re all “WTF HOW IS IT ALREADY WEDNESDAY?!?!” So I’ve got that going on this week.

While we’re speaking of holiday weekends, on this last one Teddy and I did a fair amount of hiking. This made me realize that, as much as I adore Little Bear’s fluff, it’s just not conducive to summer. The dirt, the grime, the sand, my constant panic over bugs. It’s all much harder to keep away with so much fluff.

So I decided to shave him down like I’ve done every other summer. Only, and here’s the part where I’ve clearly lost my mind, I decided to do it myself. Yeah, I don’t know why either. I’ve never done this before on my own – usually I’m smart enough to leave this kind of thing to the professionals. I bought myself some clippers, but since the Bear is exceptionally hairy, I figured I would cut him down short first to save on clipper burn out.

This is what he looked like when I was done with my “rough trim”.

I know. My poor, poor baby. He’s been hiding from me since I put down the scissors. I think it’s a combination of not wanting to be groomed and being embarrassed about how he looks. I’m going to even it out with clippers. I swear. Alright, fine, so I have no real faith in my abilities to make him look normal, but I figure he’s cute enough to pull off a bad haircut.

I’ll keep you updated on my progress. But please, if you see Teddy, don’t say anything about his hair. Bear is sensitive. (And more than a little vain.)

Oh my word, the past 48 hours have been crazy. Here’s a rundown.

Wednesday

7:30am – Go to work. This part’s pretty normal.

4:30pm – Leave work to feed and walk Teddy.

5:15pm – Leave home to head back to Irvine to speak on a TechBiz Connection panel about SoMoLo Marketing.

6:00pm – Panel

9:00pm – Stay after panel to listen to people tell me how much I rocked. That’s the best part of speaking, right? One woman told me that I was just like Sheryl Sandberg.

9:30pm – Leave Irvine to drive to Anaheim to see Star Trek in IMAX 3D at Downtown Disney.

11:00pm – Star Trek. O. M. G. AMAZING. Seriously, go see it RIGHT NOW.

1:45am – Leave movies, drive home.

2:15am – Arrive at home.

Thursday

7:00am – Wake up, walk Teddy, do the morning thing.

8:30am – Leave for airport.

11:30am – After some flight delays, depart Orange County. Here’s where things get kind of weird, because time zones continue to confuse the heck out of me.

4:00pm – Arrive in Dallas. Immediately head to American Airlines Admiral’s Club. Woo hoo for Klout Perks!

4:15pm – Teddy digs the Admiral’s Club. So does Teddy’s mom.

9:00pm – After more flight delays and about an hour of sitting on a plane, depart Dallas. (I do want to add that the delays weren’t the airline’s fault – the tornados in Texas messed up travel in and out of Dallas.)

12:30am – Arrive in DC.

12:45am – Find out that the shuttle service I booked online doesn’t have any vans available to take me to my hotel.

1:00am – Another shuttle company saves my life and calls out a new driver to take me to my hotel. This is incredibly fortunate, because the airport is now closed and I don’t really have any other options.

2:00am – Arrive at hotel. Exhausted, but too wired to sleep.

Friday

7:00am – Wake up and do the morning thing, with extra caffeine. It’s a conference day and Teddy and I have to shine! We’re at BlogPaws for the weekend! (More on that later. Promise.)

I just want to add a bit of a brag here. Teddy is a CHAMP. Seriously, best dog. He has been so great, even through layovers and flight delays and shuttle mishaps. My dog rocks.

When a dog wants nothing to do with me:

When a major brand isn’t on Twitter (I’m looking at you, Neutrogena):

When all of my new shows are new:

When a writer (or copy writer) doesn’t understand basic grammar:

When someone uses ridiculous made up job titles (i.e. “guru”):