Oh hey, holiday weekend! I did some TV watching. Okay, a LOT of TV watching.
Fresh Off the Boat
Jessica loves Stephen King, but Louis hates it because she gets scared and then in turn scares him. She finally makes a friend, Honey, their next door neighbor’s second wife. Honey is nice, she likes Stephen King, and thinks Jessica’s food is delicious. But Louis says she can’t be friends with Honey because the other neighborhood women hate her for breaking up the first marriage. Louis doesn’t want the women to boycott the restaurant, so Jessica has to stop being friends with Honey. Listen, Orlando is a big place, and Honey is nice. I think Jessica should stay friends with her, forget the neighborhood bitches, and advertise in a different part of town. Next up, we’ve got some good old fashioned sibling rivalry when Jessica’s sister comes to visit. The restaurant staff annoys me – especially the manager. He’s really dumb, and not funny dumb, but I want to smack you dumb.
Jenny says no to Brody’s proposal, only he didn’t actually propose, so that leads to a very awkward moment. Brody is upset that Jenny is still so vehemently opposed to marriage. After a heart-to-heart with Mansfield Jenny realizes she’s afraid of marriage, but it’s worth doing. So she proposes to Brody! Lindsay and Harvard somehow blow through all of their winnings and charge $50,000 to the room. So Lindsay counts cards to make up their deficit. When Harvard can’t be her rock, she leaves him realizing that their relationship is no good for her. And Threepeat marries Brody’s ex! Ahhhh!!!! I already can’t wait for this show to come back.
Ellie is sick of having unemployed Andy around the house 24/7 so she decides to use Bobby’s boat as her sanctuary, but it turns out Grayson had the same idea, so clearly they have a battle to the death for boat rights. As it turns out, Tom is quite the hospital stud, and Laurie and Travis encourage him to exploit that to get some lady action. But he turns into an ass. I think we all saw that coming. Meanwhile, Jules helps Andy get ready for job interviews.
Axl’s girlfriend says she wants him to ignore Valentine’s Day, and he’s not sure if she should listen to her our not. Brick needs advice on kissing, because his girlfriend tells him that she expects to be kissed on Valentine’s Day. Sue has something going on that I can’t really make myself care about until OMG HER DUMB BOYFRIEND PROPOSES!
Gloria’s sister is in town and Jay feels bad for her, so he gives her Stella’s gift – a necklace. Then Jay thinks that she thinks Jay has a thing for her, but Gloria doesn’t believe him, so they’ve got that going on. Phil and Claire have their role play thing happening, and Claire gets upset when she thinks that Phil is only into her alter-ego. Mitch and Cam are doing a slapstick thing with a wedding gift at their friend’s house. It’s funny, but just watch it because I don’t have time to explain the whole thing.
Cristie gets promoted to manager at the restaurant, and Bonnie is backed up fixing things at the apartment building, so they’re both in over their heads at work. But don’t worry, it’s a sitcom, everything’s going to be fine.
The Mysteries of Laura
My first episode is about a private school kid who gets murdered. I hate these episodes because the administrators and parents are always such douches and I just hate them all. At any rate, something about grades and sports and college admissions. In the next episode, we’ve got a dead drag queen slash boxer, and the door guy from a few episodes back is here again. I love him. Also, Melinda Warner from SVU is playing a boxing manager who suggests Billy and Meredith get together and I love her. So all in all, excellent episode.
Homer watches the bar for Moe and bankrupts him, because why would anyone let Homer watch their business? Marge starts driving for Uber-but-we-can’t-say-Uber-so-it’s-called-something-else.
Captain is in a bad mood and taking it out on the squad, so Jake and Gina team up with Mr. Captain (I forget husband’s name) to figure out what’s gotten under his skin.
Peter and the guys set up a new business helping kids solve crimes, but it turns out the thief was Chris and he was using the stuff to make a fake girlfriend. Lois tells Peter to talk to Chris about what a healthy relationship looks like and make him get rid of the doll. I’m sorry, is Lois new here? Predictably, Peter makes it worse and convinces Chris to have sex with his fake girlfriend, who is now actually just a sex doll. Then Lois gets jealous because Chris treats the doll better than Peter treats her, so she steals the doll, stabs it a bunch of times, and buries it in the woods. Normal.
Bob buys a $300 knife, and the kids are determined to make Jimmy Jr President because Millie, the most annoying kid in school, is running against him. Louise manages to take Jimmy’s 95 point lead and turn it into a 30 point loss. Then it turns out that everyone is completely insane. And what grades are this school? Louise is in 4th grade, and she’s in the same school as Tina, who is what? High school? 8th grade? Oh, and Bob destroys his knife. Just in case you’re the one person who didn’t see that coming.
Quote of the episode: “Everybody hates it when a penis pops out of nowhere.” A cross-dressing blogger has been murdered, so it’s a good thing Mr. Sensitivity is on the case.
I caught up on a few episodes, but this show has really lost its shine for me. I just can’t with Rollins anymore. She’s a good enough detective – when she shows up and doesn’t let her myriad personal issues interfere – but pull yourself together, woman! Between her and Amaro I feel like for the last few seasons the detectives have been bigger trainwrecks than the suspects.